Date of tears
by veryamateur
Summary: Don't mind pathetic title. Displaying moments at the Finch household that involve Atticus, not as the strong lawyer but as a still-loving widow and caring father.
1. Chapter 1

"Atticus? Are you crying?" Scout looked over at her father on the other side of the table. He replied with a short "No," then quickly wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Scout was surprised at the harsh tone in his voice, as he seldom used it. She looked over at her brother, who also didn't seem to know what was going on. Calpurnia, who was just walking back to the kitchen, stole a glance at the man and closed the door. Without further saying, Atticus moved the food on his plate around some more, as he already had been doing during the whole dinner.

Suddenly, Scout and Jem heard an unfamiliar and strangled sob from the side of their father. Atticus quickly moved his chair back, managed to say an almost inaudible "Excuse me," and nearly ran to the kitchen, Calpurnia holding the door open for him. She seemed to be doubting whether to go after him into the kitchen or not, then decided upon the first option.

She found Atticus Finch standing against the kitchen counter with his handkerchief pressed against his eyes, his glasses pushed up to his forehead. She filled a glass with water and handed it to him. Accidently touching his hand, she noticed how cold it felt. Atticus took the handkerchief away and blew his nose. "Are you alright, Mr Finch?," Calpurnia asked carefully. Atticus took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Cal. It's just that today...well...God it's already so long ago...I can't stop thinking about her, I won't ever stop thinking about her but I'm supposed tokeep keep myself straight in front of Scout andJem..." Calpurnia nodded, trying to follow what he said. "Mr Finch, I understand what you are saying but you can't keep straight all the time. I mean, uhm, I have seen you cry only three times when I'm here. I know someone who's spilling tears all the time because of her husband's death. It's really not something you should be holding up, especially not today." Atticus looked up to her, his face streaked with tears. "Thank you...it's that I suddenly thought about it again, finding her on the porch... I miss her so much...God, I so much desire to have someone in my arms at night..." he stopped abruptly, realising he was overtalking. Calpurnia smiled and shyly touched his arm. Atticus couldn't keep himself in control and pulled her into a hug. When he pulled himself loose, he apologised. He wiped off his face and walked into the room again. His children stared at him, but didn't speak. Neither did Atticus, he sat down like nothing had happened but couldn't bring himself to eating. "If you want to share my dinner" he said softly, "go ahead. Or Cal, if you're still hungry." Jem and Scout took his food and after they had eaten, Cal cleared the dishes and the family went into the livingroom.

Atticus knew he had to say something. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have seen that. Today...it's already quite some years ago that your mother passed." His children nodded and Jem looked very sad.

Some time later, Scout asked: "Atticus, would you talk to me about...her?" Atticus sighed, but didn't want to shut his daughter out. "Yes honey, but when you're going to bed, allright? I first bring Calpurnia home. Make sure you're ready when I come back!"

Jem looked angrily at his sister. "Are you crazy? He just ran away from dinner crying about her and now you're asking him to come and talk about her? Great, Scout. Really wonderful."

When Atticus came in, he went straight to his daughter. When settled down, he immediately began talking. "Many years ago, when I was elected to the state legislature in Montgomery, I met Jean Graham. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen and we fell in love." Atticus paused a moment, not knowing what to say."I asked her to marry me, and so we did. Together, we went to live in Maycomb. A year later, Jem was born." Right at that moment, Jem came in and asked if he could join. "Of course," said Atticus and he threw back the covers under which Scout was laying. He smiled at his two children propped up in the bed together. "We were incredibly happy. Then, four years later, you came into the world. Even more happy." He took a deep breath. "Your mother was like you, Scout, did you know that?

.


	2. Chapter 2

she had an opinion about something, you couldn't change that, whatever you tried. She always knew what to say. I even know that when she was your age, she was a fighter too. She was a tomboy but also a lady." Atticus couldn't speak for a moment. Scout smiled. "I wish I would've known her. "I wish you would have too, honey. Jem spoke up. "I miss her Atticus." "I miss her too, son. I miss her so much." Then, Atticus burst into tears. And so did Scout and Jem. He held their heads against his chest and tried to control himself, but after a look at his children he stopped trying. After quite a while the three calmed down. "Shall we go have some warm milk?" Atticus asked. They went down and when Atticus was messing with the milk, he spoke. "You must know that this...isn't a normal reaction. I think about your mother all the time. You two remind me of her, every moment, every minute. Scout, your character and Jem, your looks... You two are the most important people in my life and that will never change, never forget that. I love you. And I loved your mother. I still do. But you two are all I've got." Scout and Jem tried to understand his desultory story and even Atticus himself had to think a minute what he actually said. "We love you too," said Scout gently. She yawned. Atticus put the cups in front of them. After they drank in silence,Scoutl fell asleep.

Atticus carried her back to her room and took Jem in his hand. "Goodnight."

The next morning, everything was back to how it normally was. Neither Atticus nor Jem nor Scout mentioned the previous evening.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: chose wrong title...guess something like Atticus's vulnerable side would be more suiting the story.

Some weeks had passed, and nobody had said a word about the events on the date on which Mrs Finch had died years ago. Everything was back to normal again, until one day, Atticus came home early. Calpurnia was surprised when she heard him open the front door; she couldn't even remember an occasion for which he hadn't finished his long day at the office. When he came into the living room, she noticed his pale face and shaky hands. "I hope you don't mind if I'm going to bed? I'm not feeling very well." With that being said, he didn't wait for an answer but went straight to his room. When Scout and Jem came home, they were surprised by the presence of their father, who had just come into the kitchen to get some water. He greeted them, but didn't ask about school, which he usually did. When Scout asked him if he were alright, he told her that it was just a fever, nothing to worry about.

Later that evening, Calpurnia came into Atticus's room with a thermometer and the questions if he felt like having dinner and if she had to call the doctor. She was expecting a no to the latter, but apparently Atticus felt so miserable that he liked to see dr. Reynolds. When he placed the thermometer between his lips, it read almost a hundred degrees. He didn't feel like dinner.

Dr. Reynolds' steps sounded hard on the wooden floors and Atticus, in his bed jumped at every step. After he had examined the man, he stood up. "It's nothing to worry about. Just a bad fever, there's a lot of that going around now. The only remedy is to keep rest until it's over." Atticus, now reassured of the nonseriousness of his sickness went to sleep.

It was around eleven that Scout, put to bed by Calpurnia and missing her reading time with her father, woke up to a loud scream, coming from Atticus's bedroom. She ran to him and found her father drenched in sweat and with a heaving chest sitting right up in bed. "Atticus? What's the matter?" Atticus looked confused. "I'm sorry, Scout. Go back to bed. Please," he added after he saw the doubt in his daughter's eyes. "What's the matter? Are you scared?" "Yes. Uhm, no! No, I'm fine. Please, honey, go to bed. I'm alright." "Well, alright then...but you need to call me when you're scared again. I'm also scared at night sometimes. May I stay in your bed tonight?" Atticus smiled. "No, baby. You'll catch my cold. But thank you. See you tomorrow!" Scout felt that she had no chance and scuffed out of the room. "Good night!" Atticus yelled after her, but right then he got a bad cough. He started breathing slowlier and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

The next day, Atticus didn't appear in a place other than his bed. Calpurnia came in, every now and then, to ask if he needed anything, and this was never more than a glass of water and a cool towel. When school was finished, Scout or Jem would come in, asking the same question and receiving the same answer. Dr Reynolds stepped by to check on him, but concluded once more that rest would help. That night, Scout and Jem both had a small party at school, as an old teacher would retire. Calpurnia stayed with Atticus, and she came running into his room for the same reason Scout had had that previous evening. When she saw Atticus with a bare, heaving chest and completely soaked with sweat, she was surprised because she had never seen him like this and carefully dried his face with a towel still present. "I'm sorry Cal," Atticus panted, the same words he had said to Scout the night before. "I got so warm here under the covers," he continued, referring to his shirtless upper body." "It's fine, mr. Finch. Did you have a nightmare?" Atticus shifted on the mattrass. "Yes...it comes back sometimes, you know. I dream about finding her...her feet sticking out from behind the wisteria vine, the chair still rocking...it isn't even scary, but those details make me feel sick. But these are the first times I yelled, usually I just wake up, in cold sweat, and no one notices it..." He stopped. Calpurnia was surprised at his honesty and how easy he talked. She had never heard him speak about his feelings, not ever. She didn't think his children had, he probably kept them to himself. "It's horrible, mr. Finch. I'll take you some water, maybe a washing cloth..." She trailed off, not knowing what to say. "Thank you, Cal. God, I have the worst headache I've ever had..." When Calpurnia returned from the bathroom, Atticus was already fast asleep. She put the washing cloth on his forehead and the glass on the bedside table. For asecond, she stared at the photo of Mrs. Finch. Then, she walked away.

The next morning, Atticus appeared on the breakfast table, though not as early as usual. He didn't eat, but after greeting and hugging his children, he asked Calpurnia if she'd mind if he would drive her to the office so he could take some papers he needed to work at home. "I'm not up to dress." Calpurnia accepted his request as she gave Scout and Jem their breakfast. At the sight of the plates, Atticus stormed to the bathroom.

I'll try to put the next chapter on soon!


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I think I should mention that this story isn't leading to a big event. I'm just trying to capture some moments in the Finch household in which Atticus isn't in his most reservated mood.

Although Atticus still wasn't feeling well, he pursuaded Calpurnia to drive to town with him. In the car, he tried to be unobtrusive to people who passed by, but regarding his strange outfit including a bathrobe with coat, and the fact he was driving so couldn't duck, this was not easy. By the time they had reached the end of the street, Atticus ha had already been greeted by five neighbours, including the gossipy ms. Stephanie. Finally reaching Atticus's office ,he handed Calpurnia the keys and told her to take all the letters and some papers and books. She came out, heavily burdened by all the lawyery stuff.

Back home, Atticus started opening his letters on the kitchen table, but after reading about three lines, he got a sharp headache and felt nauseous and dizzy. "Cal...? Could you possibly read these letters to me, and help me write back? I get completely sick when I try to read." She started reading the letters. The first was from a woman, living on a farm not farm from Maycomb. She wanted to divorce, but didn't know how things would work out with all their possessions. Atticus sighed and dictated: mrs...what was her name again? Calpurnia looked once more at the letter. "It doesn't say so, ." Atticus was already tired of this woman, but kept going on. When they reached the phrase "different grounds for divorce, such as adultery, or improper behaviour(...)," Calpurnia looked up to him, ashamed. "Mr Finch...how to you write behaviour again?" Atticus looked at her for a second, pushed his glasses up and with his hands in front of his face, he said: "I have no idea." Then he let his hands slip, looked at Calpurnia and bursted into laughter, something that changed immediately to a coughing fit. Calpurnia started laughing as well. "Pff," Atticus sighed. "I guess I continue tomorrow." He picked up his papers and took them to his office. "Do you mind if I'm going back to bed?" She didn't, but was surprised about his long hours in bed, he wasn't sick often and never stayed in bed so long as he did now.

Atticus took his bathrobe off. Due to his fever temperature, he only wore his boxershorts, clothes put close to the bed so he could dress quickly when necessary. He closed his eyes and was suddenly brought back to a moment with his wife.

 _Atticus and Jean were laying in their bed together, with Scout as the queen sleeping between them. She had been crying all evening and finally, as a last solution, the parents had put her with them in their bed, although it wasn't even yet time for them to sleep. They looked at each other, exhausted but happily, while stroking the hair and little hands of their young daughter. It wasn't long after that Jem came running into the room. His parents laughed at him and Atticus held up the blankets. He chose to lay on his father's side, and Atticus took him into his arms. After about a quarter of an hour, Jean threw a glance at her husband. Atticus nodded, stood up and gently lifted Jem off the bed, put him in his own and returned. Jean, in the mean time, had carried Scout to the baby room, very careful not to wake her. They both waited, their breaths held, for one of the children to cry out again, but it stayed still. That was when Atticus cupped his wife's face in his hands, and kissed her on her mouth. She returned the kiss and deepened it. Softly, Jean felt herself being pushed on the bed by Atticus. She looked at him in surprise and he explained: " As the situation is so that we're already here..." Then, they began loosening each other's clothes. They exchanged kisses, all over their skin. They grabbed at each other's body. They sweated and whispered soft words of love. Finally, they laid panting in each others arms, and that was the position they were in when they woke up to Scout's cries, interrupting their sleep._


	5. Chapter 5

DAtticus woke up again, but this time not with a scream or a heaving chest. On the contrary; when he wiped his hand across his face, he noticed tears on his cheek. He was annoyed by himself , as he had never cried this much in a short amount of time. He grabbed for his watch pocket and saw it was already getting close to five; his children must be home from school. For a second, he thought about the moment he had recalled in his dream and noticed himself smiling and crying at the same time. Then, he dragged himself off the bed, pulled on his bathrobe and went to the livingroom. His children both sat on the couch, looking bored. When Atticus glanced out of the window, he saw it raining, which wasn't very unusual at the time of the year, but was unusual for Alabama. "Hey Atticus!" Scout yelled. Atticus felt a sharp pain in his head when he heard her loud voice, but didn't let them notice. After Jem had greeted him as well, Scout asked: "How are you doing? There are a lot of people at school sick too." "It's getting better, honey. How was school?" Scout and Jem scattered about their day and that was when Calpurnia came in. "I'm sorry, mr. Finch, I didn't notice you got out of bed. How are you feeling?" "It's getting better. I'm still not up to work, I'm afraid though." "Of course. Will you attend dinner, anyway?" Atticus thought about it for a second. The thought of food made him sick already, but he knew he should be eating something. "Well, I will try and eat some, if you don't mind. I hope it's not a problem if I sleep some more, until it's time?" He strolled back to his room, Calpurnia, Scout and Jem looking surprised at his retreating back.

When Atticus dropped on his bed, he pulled up the blankets until his chin and pushed his head into the pillow, tightly clenching his eyes. 'Good lord,' he thought, it was the worst migraine he'd ever had, not to speak about the high temperature he was still suffering. However, he fell asleep soon, to roll into another memory.

 _A year after Jean Graham had become Jean Finch, Atticus was reading on the couch. Suddebly, his wife dropped next to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She put one hand on the page he was reading. Her husband looked up to her, smiling. "I hope there is a reason for distracting me? It's a very good book." He pulled her into a kiss. Jean returned it, but freed herself after a while. "I got to tell you something, Atticus. I think you will find it important enough to quit reading and listen to me!" She winked, and Atticus closed the book. He looked up once more, a bit worried, but then saw the excitement in his wife's sparkling eyes. "What is it, darling?" Jean shifted a bit, so that she could look him straight in the eye. "Atticus...we're going to have a child!" Atticus looked up to her in disbelief. "No..." he said. "Yes! Aren't you happy?" Jean asked a bit worried after hearing his response. "O honey of course I'm happy! You couldn't have made me happier. Lord, a child...since when do you know?" "Yesterday I went to doctor Reynolds. Atticus...we're going to have a little someone who we can cuddle and read to and love...and know is from both of us!" Atticus smiled and pulled his wife into a hug. She shedded tears of happiness and he pulled her closer. A baby..._

"Atticus! Atticus! Wake up, we're having dinner! Atticus!"The person in question woke up, looked at his son and smiled. "What's so funny? Come on sir, it's getting cold." While walking to the table, Atticus thought about his flashbacks. They weren't really in chronological order. Atticus didn't know what to think: on one hand, he liked to remember moments with his wife, but on the other hand he would miss her so much then, so much that it caused a sharp pain in his heart that wouldn't go away. It was exactly what he felt now, but he tried to act cheerful in front of Scout and Jem, who were chattering and asking questions. Atticus poked in his dinner, but left almost half of the given amount to his children. After dinner, he went to bed again. Atticus knew Scout had missed the reading time with him, and around the usual time, she came running into his room with a book and sat on the edge of his bed. Atticus wrapped an arm around her, which caused him to be in a sort of uneasy position, and looked at her qUestioningly. Scout opened the book. "I'm going to read to you today," she said. Jem's coming in a minute. Atticus laughed at her. "What a sweet idea, Scout. Start off!" Scout and Jem both took turns in wrestling through a chapter ofDavid Copperfield. When they finished, Atticus told them winking that they read almost as good as he and thanked them.

An: I know this whole sickness-thing is taking a bit long. But hold on, it will change in a chapter or two. Alright if I continue with the flashbacks? I kinda like writing them :)


	6. Chapter 6

It was to be a restless night for Atticus Finch. From time to time, he would wake up, only to fall asleep and roll into a memory of his wife. There were a couple, in a strange random order that Atticus could make no sense of. One was about Jem's birth.

 _Mr. and Mrs. Finch were asleep in their bed. Jean was pregnant about eight and a half month, and she was enormous. As it wasn't possible to be in a position in which they could look at each other and still be touching over Jean's large stomach, they were spooning. Atticus had his legs wrapped around his wife's and his arms around her pregnant stomach, sometimes feeling a bump from the baby onto his arm or hand. Jean was holding his hand so they could feel the baby together and laugh whenever they felt it. However, Jean had soon fallen asleep, tired of carrying her big body around, but Atticus only pretended to be sleeping. He hadn't had easy nights for_ a _while. Around half past two, he finally felt his eyes get heavier and fell asleep. That was about the time when Jean woke up to the feeling of something fluid passing her legs. At first, she thought she had peed herself and wanted to get up in shame, but then remembered what it was. "Atticus! Atticus please get up, the baby is coming! The baby is coming!" Atticus woke up. "What is going on?" he asked tiredly. "My water has broken! Please, call the doctor. It's too early!" Atticus sat up straight in bed. "You mean that you're going into labour? Oh lord, darling!" He ran to the phone. When he came back, he kissed his excited and worrying wife. "Dr Reynolds said it would take some time before it really starts. He will be here in a couple of hours but we can call him to come earlier if needed. He also told me not to worry about your eight and a half months or even more. It will all be alright. Also, he recommended to take a bath, honey before he comes. Shall we go to the bathroom?" While Atticus started running the hot water tap, Jean got her first contraction. The first ones happened every quarter of an hour. At first, Jean had been in the tub, Atticus washing and caressing her, but after a while she decided to stand the pains on the bed. Actually, everything went quicker than expected and Atticus called dr. Reynolds around half past five. When he was on his way, Jean looked at Atticus. "Honey...would you please stay?" Atticus smiled and kissed his wife. "Of course I will if you want me to." He stroked her forehead. Bringing the baby on itself didn't go as quick as the contraction part. Jean was in labour for fifteen hours. "Push, mrs. Finch. Push! Come on!" After that fifteen hours, everybody was exhausted, not only Jean,who laid panting, sweating and crying on the bed. Finally, finally, the little head got out. "Come on, mrs. Finch. You're almost done. Come on, you've got the head!" But Jean was completely drained. "I can't...I can't do it anymore...please..." Atticus looked like he was ready to faint. "Please honey, you're almost ready. One, two more pushes. You can do it.""Come on, mrs. Finch," dr. Reynolds said. "It's almost done, you're almost finished." Eventually, Jean gave her final pushes and the room filled with cries. "There he is...it's a boy!" Finally, little Jeremy Finch was put into his mother's arms. When the doctor had left, Atticus finally cried along with his wife of happiness. They stroked the little bundle in Jean's arms and were so enormously happy. Then, Atticus got to hold the baby. The fresh parents kissed each other over the little head of their son._

After that one, Atticus woke up happily. He could remember it so well, the hopelessness he felt when it took so long, the powerlessness he felt seeing his wife in pain, her sweat against his hands, the exhaustion...and then, finally the weight of happiness, responsibilities and fatherly love in his hands. The next dream went back in time, during the night after their wedding, when the two had lost their virginity.

 _That day, they had become mr. and mrs. Finch. And that night, they would become even closer to each other. When the festives of the day were over, the two went upstairs to their bedroom. Both nervous, both knowing what to happen but not knowing wat to expect. As soon as the door was closed. Atticus started kissing his wife. She kissed back, and slowly, they started to undo each other of clothing. Not a word was said, Atticus thought that might ruin the moment and make them more nervous. So were Jean's thoughts. When they were naked apart from underwear, they paused a moment. Atticus spoke up: Jean...I love you." Then, he carefully loosened her bra. A bit hesitating and uncertain, he trailed kisses over her breasts, down to her stomach and removed her panties. He raised up and kissed her again on the mouth. Jean took his boxershorts off and stroked with her hands over his chest. Atticus moaned softly. Jean smiled at him shyly and he blushed. He decided not to wait any longer and pushed her back on the bed. Then, a whole new world went open. Atticus, in his dream saw only flashes of the happening: her eyes wide open, his body going wildly up and down, sweat running over their foreheads, the sound of skin on skin, heavy breathing, loud moans, gripping to skin, her nails pushing in his shoulders, their lips devouring each other, and finally, cries of pleasure, their amazement when it was over, their panting in each other's arms and whispering that they loved each other._

When Atticus woke up after that dream, he felt his cheeks being red and hot. He decided it was caused by his fever, but then noticed the sheets pointing up at his groin. He ignored it, as he had always done. Instead, hs thought of Jean Finch née Graham.

An: Whew, that got somewhat steamy! It's all the fault of the anonymous review :) I'm not good at writing smut though. Anyway, this is about the last chapter of Atticus being ill. I need to get some inspiration but will try to update soon!


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I really like the idea of Itslizatbeth to make another story just about Jean and Atticus, as I love to write about them. It will be a series of short moments of the two. Is that a bearable idea? Anyway, it'll mean that I won't post as often on this story as I have done lately.

The next morning, Atticus was feeling much better. At breakfast, he was warmly greeted by his children and Calpurnia, who were very concerned and interested. "Well," Atticus said after a while,"I guess I'm going to the office today." Jem responded to this statement with a question. "Atticus, how are babies made?" Atticus looked at his son for a second, then said: "I'll talk to you tonight, Jem." Calpurnia offered him some milk with an amused smile on her face.

That evening, when Atticus had sent Jem to bed early so he'd then have the time to talk to him, he sat in the kitchen staring in front of him. Calpurnia walked past. "Well, I reckon I have to wish you good luck, mr. Finch!" Atticus sighed. "Thank you. I wasn't prepared for having to answer this question now already." He stood up, and walked to Jem's room. His son was already under the covers, looking expectantly. Atticus made himself comfortable on theside of the bed. "Listen, Jem. After I tell you this, you'll understand a bit more of the world and adulthood. But maybe, or probably, you'll find the idea strange, or even a bit vulgar. But don't worry. Everything will come to you later." Jem's expression had not changed, he was waiting for his father to talk the real talk. "Alright...Son, you knowwhat a girl's and a boy's body look like?" Jem nodded and pulled a face, and Atticus continued. "Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much..." After Atticus had told the story, he looked at his son, who was looking up in surprise at his dad. "So...does that mean that everybody with children did that? I mean, Aunt Alexandra and Uncle Jimmy? And Calpurnia and...even you and mama?" Atticus jumped a little at "Mama." He still did that and usually felt stupidabout it afterwards. He hoped Jem hadn't seen it, but he probably had not. Atticus smiled and strokes his son'_s forehead. " Yes, son. It's what you do when you really love each other. It's...When you really love each other, you don't think the other's naked body is strange, you only want to do what I just told you." Jem seemed to be digging in his thoughts. "You know, sir...I once, I think I was about three years old or so...saw you kiss Mama, and you both laughed and kissed more and went into your bedroom and I heard muffled noises. Were you making Scout?" Atticus looked at his son and then at the floor. He was surprised and embarassed at the clear memory of his son and the straight-forward way he asked it. He answered the question a bit hesitating. "Well...you don't necessarily have to make a baby when you do that. It's by the way called sexual intercourse, I'm sorry. As I said before, when people are in love, they want to do it often because they love each other so much." Jem seemed to have heard enough. "Thank you, sir. I hope I'll find it less nasty in the future." Atticus laughed at his son's remark. "It will all be fine, Jem. Please don't worry about it too much." He placed a kiss at Jem's forehead and went back to the kitchen. "Oh, Cal! I'm sorry, I'll bring you home right now."

AN: You might wonder where this comes from. I have read Go Set A Watchman (unfortunately...I sort of regret it) so know how Scout gets to know about the birds and the bees and actually wanted to make a comparison between her talk with Atticus(after the one with Calpurnia) and Jem's. I don't really know how to do it, as I have to go forward in time. Well, that will come in the next chapter, and I will post ch. 1 of the new story today or tomorrow. What first moment would you like? Ogod I'm fishing for reviews. Didn't say that!


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I said I wanted to publish Scout's "adult talk," next to Jem's so you can compare, but I have to make a step forward in time. I haven't thought of an ingenious way to do it, so I'll just do it like this :)

Years later, Scout would also become familiar with the secrets of adult life. She was, after many misunderstandings, told by Calpurnia about the birds and the bees. When she went to bed that night, Atticus settled himself on the side of her bed. "Scout?" he called. "I'd like to talk to you before you go to sleep." Scout, in the bathroom froze. She thought Calpurnia would keep it to herself... When she was ready, she made herself comfortable under the covers. Atticus pulled the blanket up to under her chin and pushed it around her body, until she looked like a mummy. "Scout..." he started "Cal told me about your misunderstanding, and that you are now aware how children are really "made." I'd like to add something and maybe answer your questions, honey." Scout looked up at him. "So she said nothing about the watertank?" "Watertank? No, baby. What's the matter with the watertank then?" "Oh, nothing, Atticus." Atticus decided to drop that subject. Not that he had time not to drop it; his daughter had a question ready. "Sir...what Cal told me, is it really what everyone with children did? Aunt Alexandra and uncle Jimmy...Cal herself...even you and mama?" Atticus didn't jump at "Mama" anymore. He laughed. "Yes, darling. It's something everyone does when they're very much in love and want to have children." Scout nodded. "That's what she told me as well, but, Atticus, I'm afraid I'll never want to want that. I mean, it can't be nice..doesn't it hurt?" Atticus thought about how to answer her honest question. "Oh Scout, this is the reason I hoped it would take some time before we'd need to tell you this. Honey...you know, when my daddy told me this...I was shocked by the idea. I was, even weeks later, occupied with thinking 'Oh, but won't it hurt the lady,' and afraid that I never would dare it and never get children...I was worried until the day I met your mother and I regret it. Honey, when you meet someone you really love, and there's not a milliamount of doubt that you will, it will all come to you. It will all come to you, and I urge you: please, don't, worry. Please don't worry darling. Remember what I and Cal told you but don't let it cross your mind, ever, until the time is there you have to and enjoy your childhood and sometimes realise how easy everything is now. Please." Scout nodded and let her mind wander across Atticus's speech. "Alright. I won't think about it." Atticus smiled at her. "And then, honey there's something else I do want you to know. Do you understand now, what rape is?" "I remember you say something like doing something with a woman without consent or so." "You're right, without mutual consent. But I don't think you really know what exactly is done to the woman. A woman is raped when someone has sexual intercourse with her without, indeed, mutual consent. Sexual intercourse or sex is that act two people do when they make children," he added after seeing Scout's questioning look. "Scout, when a man or boy does something to you, like...tries to touch your breasts or legs or whatever and you don't want, never allow him. Holler, scream,hit, do whatever is necessary. But I don't doubt you will, sweetheart. Remember that." " Okay, Atticus," Scout said. She wondered if only that thing about making babies involved all this. "Do you have any questions left?" Atticus asked. "No, sir." Scout said. "Will you...may I hug you?" After Scout got her first period, she had asked Cal if she was still allowed to hug her father or if he would find her dirty. Cal had looked surprised and had strongly reassured her that this wasn't the case. However, Scout had only taken Atticus's hugs and not given them. Now she had again. "Of course, darling! I love you. And once more: don't worry." Atticus said in his daughter's ear, returning her embrace.

Well, I had hoped this would work out more. I just had the idea in my mind! I hope you liked it anyway.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: these chapters are a bit about Scout and Jem growing up, as you have noticed. I'm a bit out of inspiration, however...hope you like this one.

One morning when Atticus was taking a shower, one of the spare moments he had for himself, he heard a noise in the bathroom. He stuck his head out from behind the shower curtain and saw his two children, but he couldn't see clear enough what they were doing. He grabbed his glasses, which he always put on the corner of the shower, and saw they werewere silently taking his shaving foam and razor. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked. Scout and Jem gasped and turned around. "Nothing, sir." Jem said. Atticus looked at him, long enough for him to say "Well, I actually wanted to shave my beard." Atticus laughed, turned the shower off and grabbed a towel to put around his waist. Then, he took his bathrobe and pulled it on as well. He wiped his hands dry, put one hand under his son's chin and looked carefully at his face. "Well, son, if you wait a day or two, I'll help you. Scout here probably doesn't know exactly what to do. Now get out of here." They did so, and Atticus sat on the bath, rolling his head in his hands. That day after work, he went to the drugstore and bought a razor and foam. He wrapped it up as a present and two days later, he gave it to Jem. "I'll help you do it the first time, if you don't mind." After Jem's face was shaven, he asked Atticus: "Atticus...do I really look like mama? Everyone says I do, but I don't really think so. I can remember how she looked and I don't think I look the same." Atticus adjusted to the change of subject quickly and answered: "I think as well that you look like her, Jem. Your eyes, hair and the shape of your face are exactly the same. But maybe you think elsewise and that's alright as well. Do you still think about her often?" Jem looked up at him. "Of course sir, every day! Sometimes I get very sad then, but usually I think about nice things with her and I don't mind thinking about her then. Don't you think about her?" "Of course son," Atticus replied. "Sometimes, I suddenly remember something about her during the day, just like you. And every night, before I go to sleep I think about her. And even sometimes..." Atticus stopped talking abruptly. "What, sir?" Jem asked. "Nothing." Jem didn't need to know that he often dreamt about her and then couldn't go back to sleep. When one of his children caught Atticus reading in the middle of the night, it was because of that. "How'd you meet her again, Atticus?" "I thought you knew that, son. I first met her when I got into the state legislature." Atticus didn't feel like talking about his wife anymore. Afraid he might show it, he said: "If you don't mind, I go to my room. I still have some letters to answer." He walked out, leaving Jem alone. Sitting there, Atticus regretted his actions. He stuck his head out of the door and said to Jem, who was just passing: "You may always consult me to talk about your mother, Jem. I just have some work to do."

Some weeks later, Atticus , Scout and Jem were sitting in the living room. Atticus had just driven Calpurnia home and it was nearly bedtime for his children. The radio was playing in the background and Atticus was reading to Scout, his voice softly turning the words above his moving finger into a story. When the song on the radio changed into another one Atticus let his finger drop down the page and stopped talking. "What's the matter?" Scout asked surprised. Atticus closed the book and searched for his voice. Jem had also stopped reading and looked at him. "I'm sorry, Scout." Atticus said. "This song...shall I tell you something about your mother?" Scout and Jem were surprised as their father had never spoken about his wife without being asked. Atticus stared out in front of him. "When I and your mother knew each other for some time, we weren't married yet, I took her as,my company to a party of a coworker from the state legislature. We were dancing, and suddenly, this song came on. I wasn't familiar with it, but she was. She quickly taught me the steps and we danced to it. After we'd danced, we went out of the hall for a second. It was very hot inside. And there, under the trees...I asked her to marry me." Atticus looked up. Jem lookeds amused but a little sad, and Scout only the first. "How did you ask her, Atticus?" Scout asked. "Well, it wasn't very special honey. I hadn't planned it and couldn't even offer a ring. She was very happy, anyway." Atticus smiled sadly, thinking back to Jean's surprised "Yes! Yes, yes!" and her kisses. The song on the radio stopped and Atticus was brought back to reality. "It's time to go to bed, children. Come on, it's getting late!"

That night, Atticus was waken by loud sobs coming from his daughter's bedroom. He immediately stepped out of bed, almost fell because of his sudden standing up, and unsteadily walked to Scout, who was on her way to the door of her room, crying. "Oh honey, what's going on?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her. "What's going on?" Scout didn't answer, she just heaved her head to look at Atticus and cried harder. "Oh honey..." Atticus whispered, putting his hand on the back of Scout's head. "Did you have a bad dream?" he asked. Scout nodded but kept on crying hard. "Shhht," Atticus did after a while. "You'll wake up Jem." Scout raised her head."Where's Jem? Is he alright?" Right then, Jem came in. "What's the matter?" "See, darling? Your brother is alright. It's all fine Scout. Go back to bed Jem. Scout's just had a bad dream." he added, turning to him. Jem did go back. Scout finally calmed down a bit and asked: "Is Cal alright?" "Sure she is, baby. You'll see her in the morning." Atticus answered tiredly. "You always look so strange without glasses," Scout sniffed. "May I sleep in your bed for the rest of the night." Atticus sighed. "Just for this time, honey. But I do snore!" he warned, carrying Scout to his bedroom. "I'll lay on the outside, I'm always earlier than you." he said, carefully placing his daughter on the mattrass. He covered her and settled himself next to her. "Goodnight, Atticus," Scout said. Atticus wrapped his arms around her and rested his head between her shoulderblades. He closed his eyes. "Goodnight, Scout."

AN: I know, it's all a bit random! I put the part about the dance in on purpose (it's already published in the other story) to show it was memorablr for Atticus. Hope you enjoyed!


	10. Chapter 10

The Finch' siblings met, apart from Christmas, once a year at Finch's Landing. Usually, this was planned around the date one of their parents died. Neither Scout nor Jem liked these get-togethers and only agreed to join their father after many promises and pleadings. That day, they had spent by walking over the premises, eating and talking about (according to Scout and Jem) boring things.

That evening, Alexandra had sent her brother's children to bed very early, Atticus looking a bit helpless when she did so. However, the two didn't go to sleep rightaway; they spent several hours on Jem's room talking and silently arguing, then Scout got the idea of eavesdropping on the adults. They walked down the stairs, enjoying the luxury of carpet on the steps. Next, they curled their heads around the pole at the end of the staircase, so they had a good view through the window in the door on their father, aunt and uncle sitting at the table. Uncle Jack was reading the paper and Aunt Alexandra was speaking to Atticus. Jem looked up at his sister. "Scout, I believe they're arguing. I think we should go." She threw a glance of disbelief at him. "Are you kidding? Be still, I wanna hear what they're saying." Jem sighed, but listened too. "...of course Atticus, but, come on, her looks can't go unnoticed, not even with you." Aunt Alexandra said. "And don't you understand? You can't accept the way she behaves, Atticus, it's unacceptable. You're letting her run wild." Atticus sighed. "That is, indeed the definition of unacceptable," he said dryly. "But, Alexandra, please, I've told you this so many times. I try to do the best I can. I don't mind her in an overall and so doesn't she. You're the only one making a fuss about it and you can't expect me to let her change her ways because you want me to."

Scout, hanging around the pole, went white. She hated that her aunt was always complaining about her, but at least Atticus kept defending her. She looked up. Alexandra started talking to Atticus again. "Atticus, I may indeed not be able to do that, but I am able to tell you that if you don't, you're disgracing our good family name. Things really can't go on like that. If Jean were still alive, she'd..." she stopped. Scout and Jem saw their uncle Jack drop his paper in his lap and look up, taking his glasses off. Atticus went rigid. His face looked angry. He blinked, moved his tongue across his cheeks and took a sharp breath. Scout and Jem, on the stairs, held theirs. They didn't know what their father would do in this situation. "Alexandra, I can't believe you're saying this," Atticus spoke calmly but sharp to his sister. "First of all, I won't teach my daughter to be someone she isn't. I don't care how many family names I'm disgracing then. I know how to raise my children. Second of all..." he took a pause."Second of all. Alexandra, do you know one of the reasons I fell in love with her? It was because she never judged on someone before she knew him or her. She didn't care about appearances or the way someone behaved when she didn't know that person from inside out. And then, she'd treat that person with just as much respect as she treated others. Even you," he added, causing her to shrink a little. The next thing he said was in a less contained and calm voice. "She would never have cared about Scout dressing in a way she wouldn't dress. She wouldn't have cared about Scout behaving in a way that may be different. It may be different but at least doesn't hurt people with mean, stupid and insulting comments about what you think are values! She wouldn't have cared!" Atticus had stood up and seemed to be on the verge of tears, furiously blinking his eyes. Jem had run upstairs and Scout was frozen still around the pole at the bottom of the stairs. She had never, ever hear Atticus speak in a way he had now. When she looked up, he had collapsed back into the chair. His hands were dangling between his knees. In a soft and unstabile voice, he repeated: "One of the many reasons." Then, he continued, "I will not allow to let anything you say change the ways in which I raise my children, Alexandra. I will not let you decide for me what is right and wrong. And I will not let you tell me what my dead wife and mother of my children thought was right and wrong." He stopped.

Scout freed herself out of her position. She pushed the door open. The three adults at the table looked shocked and surprised when Scout ran into Atticus's arms and jumped onto his lap. She sobbed onto his shirt and Atticus sent furious looks at his sister. Uncle Jack stayed silent, as he had been doing all the time. When Scout had calmed down a little, Atticus pushed her back so he could look her in the eye. "Honey. Have you been hearing all this?" She nodded. "From where Aunty spoke about my overalls." Atticus looked a bit desperate, and so did Alexandra. "Jem heard it too but went away after a while," she sobbed. Atticus lifted her and kissed the top of her head. "I'll take you to bed," he said. He carried her to the bedroom and lay her down. He sat on the edge of the bed, pushed the blankets under her chin. "Listen, sweetheart." he started. "Listen. I am so sorry you had to hear that all. I don't know what exactly you understood, but I do know you're a very smart girl. Honey, I want you to know that I will let you wear overalls whenever you want. You may do what you want...excluding some things," he winked, causing Scout to chuckle. "Forget what Aunty had to say about that. And know your mother would never have minded." Scout interrupted him. "So I am no disgrace to the family then? "Of course not, honey. Don't think that, whatever you hear her say. She's not very familiar with girls like you. You would be a disgrace if you start to act like someone you ain't." Scout wrapped her arms around his neck. Atticus laughed and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight, sweet. Don't worry." When he walked away, Scout said: "Thank you for defending me." Atticus stopped. "Of course, hon. By the way, I was also standing up for myself a little. Sleep well." He walked down stairs and stopped in front of his sister. "I'm sorry if I disgraced the family by going without excusing myself, Alexandra. Goodnight." "Atticus, you're not being fair." she answered. Atticus raised his head. "Indeed, I am not. Do you know why? I just had to assure my daughter that she is no disgrace. I'm going. Good night." He walked upstairs, kisses the sleeping Jem, dressed down and rolled into his bed, deciding to wait for a fresh morning.


	11. Chapter 11

Atticus had fallen asleep in a double bed in one of the spare rooms at Finch's Landing. However, he only occupied the right side of the bed. Somewhat after midnight, he felt someone shake his shoulder and woke up, ending his nightmare. "What's going on?" he asked tiredly, his eyes still closed. "We thought you were having a bad dream..." a female voice said. "So we decided to wake you." another voice, of a man added. Atticus opened his eyes. Next to him, in the middle lay his sister, and on her left, he could identify his brother. He pushed his head into the pillow. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Jimmy, Alexandra?" he asked, annoyedly. "Look outside, Atticus," Alexandra said. "There's a thunderstorm going on." "Well," Atticus repeated, "I'm not wearing my glasses but I believe you on your word. Continue." "Don't you remember? We used to crawl into your bed together because we were all three scared." Atticus sighed. "I remember, but Alexandra, I'm still angry with you." "I know, Atticus," she said, "and I'm sorry. But let's just listen to the rain." She squeezed his upper arm. They laid silent for some seconds, then Alexandra spoke up again. "I can recall it perfectly, Atticus, Jack. It was one of those unusual Alabama nights in which it rained and stormed. And I took you, Jack, to Atticus's room. And you were also scared, Atticus. We were curled up against each other, until Dad found us. Remember?" Atticus nodded, but realised she wouldn't be able to see it. "We'd do it every time when it stormed, until we got too old." Alexandra finished. Atticus was a bit moved, but anyway spoke to her: "Alexandra. I'm very mad with you because of what you said, and I am not just going to stop being mad after you tell some childhood story, although I can indeed remember it. You have made my daughter insecure and mocked my way of raising my children. I'm not just forgetting that." Alexandra didn't have time to answer, Jack was already speaking up. "Oh, please, Atticus. You're usually not so insulted by any critical comments." "Oh, are we hearing from you, Jack? " Atticus said sarcastically. "That's the first time this evening. And yes, I am insulted this time. I just explained why." He sighed. "Why are we having this childish conversation after midnight again? Alexandra, I want you never to say anything like that again and that is that." They again were silent.

Suddenly, Scout came storming into the room. "Atticus! May I stay here, the thunder is real sc...oh!" she stopped when she noticed the other people in her father's bed. Atticus thought she would probably think they were crazy and said: "Well, it's in the family...climb in." She manoeuvred herself besides Atticus. He wrapped his arm around her in a way her head was located in his armpit. Scout pushed her nose into his ribs, then raised her head and pulled Atticus's down. "Are you having peace again?" she whispered into his ear. Atticus laughed. "I'll call it a truce, honey. But you don't worry about that. Go to sleep, it's late. I'll allow you to stay here, for this time, watch out you don't fall out." Scout almost immediately fell asleep. Atticus looked up. "Are you planning on staying?" he asked. "Yes." Jack said dryly. "Well, good night then." Atticus said."Good night," Alexandra said. "Sleep well," Jack said. "Just like back then." He received no answer, only two soft chuckles.

AN: That was a bit of a make up chapter, a bit only. And a short one. Hope you don't mind!


	12. Chapter 12

When Atticus arose the next morning, he found himself alone in the bed with Scout and Jem, who were wide awake. "Hey," they both said. "Morning, honeys." Atticus said back. "Is everyone so early or am I just late?" "Well, as you usually get up around five, you're late," Jem replied. "It's half past eight." Atticus nodded and wanted to get up, but Scout stopped him. "Atticus? May we ask you just one more question about Jem's and my mama?" without waiting, she asked: "Do you really still miss her so much?" Atticus smiled. "Listen, sweet. When your mother died, a part of my heart died as well. But the rest is still very alive, and you know what that is? My children,you and you. I may miss mama, and that part that I just said will never be replaced, but I'll always have you two. In my heart. Does that answer your question?" Scout nodded. "Yes, sir." "Come on, we'll go have breakfast than." He lifted Scout off the bed and took Jem's hand, who waited a second longer than usual to pull himself free. Scout wrapped her legs around his waist and they walked together through the house. "Atticus, my feet can't touch each other when I've got them like this." "No honey, I'm way too fat for that." "Or I am not big enough." "That's one way to look at it, Scout. Morning, Jack!"

It was around eleven o'clock that Atticus, Scout and Jem got into the car together. They were greeted by Calpurnia. "Goodday, mr. Finch, Jem, Scout! Mr. Finch, I'm sorry to have to say this one second after you came back, but there's been a phone call..." Scout and Jem were already bored and decided to cross the street and pay a visit to Miss Maudie. She was clearly glad to see them and asked how the trip to the Landing had been. "Not very interesting." Jem answered. "Aunt Alexandra and Atticus have been fussing," Scout said, which was immediately answered by a punch on her arm by Jem. "Well, people fuss sometimes," Miss Maudie said. "I can think of two examples sitting right in front of me." Scout looked annoyedly at the floor. She looked up however, when Miss Maudie asked whether they wanted to take some cake with them. She said: "If Atticus Finch has been having an argument , he needs some cake." The two completely agreed and returned back from their short visit. Atticus was gone, though. Calpurnia said he would be back around dinner time.

When Jem went to sleep, Atticus sat on the side of the bed. "Jem, listen." he spoke. "I know that you have, together with Scout, been eavesdropping on my talk with Aunt Alexandra. "It wasn't my idea!" Jem called out, but Atticus held out his hand. "I don't care about that son, although I would rather have you not been hearing it. Scout told me you went away after a while. Were you upset about what your Aunt said? I haven't gotten the chance to discuss this with you before." Jem said nothing, but Atticus understood. "I get it," he said slowly. "It was indeed a very bad and dumb thing she said, and I can imagine you didn't like it, neither did I, but you need to know that such fights, no, I wouldn't call it a fight, such arguments occur. And then, sometimes people say things they don't mean." Jem looked up. "Of course Aunt Alexandra meant it! She's just mean, Atticus, just plain mean. You have to admit that." "Son that isn't true. It wasn't right what she said, but..." "She's mean! She talks bad about you raising us and all, about Scout and her clothes and now she says something like that about mama! And Atticus, when you were saying things back to her,I ain't ever seen you like that. I found it scary, Atticus. She's mean!" Jem was crying now and wiped his face angrily with his sleeve. "She's mean!" "Well well, son" Atticus said calmly. He took Jem in his arms. "Indeed, I admit it, I was also upset by what your aunt said. I couldn't believe my ears actually. And that's why my reaction was very strong. But Jem, that's what happens. But don't say Alexandra is mean. What she said was mean, you have full right to say that. But she can be really nice and sweet." Jem pulled himself free and looked disbelievingly at Atticus. "Sometimes." Atticus added and Jem laughed. "Now don't worry about that anymore," he said, putting Jem down carefully. "It's what happens. You and Scout argue, too. Goodnight son." "Night, Atticus." Atticus walked out, closed the door and sighed. Jem was right, he had reacted fiercely and his children should never have seen that. He hoped his explanation was fine, sat on a chair and read the missed newspapers.


	13. Chapter 13

"Stop it," Atticus said calmly but authorical. "Stop. It." he repeated, pulling Jem and Scout apart. This is the third time this week that you're fighting like this. What's going on? "Atticus, he's horrible!" Scout yelled. "Oh don't listen to her, Atticus!" Jem screamed after her. Atticus sighed. "Calm down, you two. Is there a reason you're fighting all the time or are you just irritated by each other?" "Oh Atticus, it's normal that siblings fight each other." Scout said. "Well, I reckon it's sort of normal...but still. It's very annoying for me that I have to pull you apart all the time. Oh Scout...you're bleeding!" He pointed to Scout's arm, it had a large scratch on it." "So am I." said Jem. He showed Atticus a cut on his knee. "Scout's nails are real sharp." Atticus rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Atticus. Don't tell me you've never fought. Uncle Jack or so." "Well, actually I wasn't much of a fighter. And of course...uncle Jack was way too small for me." He winked. Scout sighed. She knew Atticus wouldn't have fought. "However..." Atticus suddenly started. "There was one time...Aunt Alexandra and I were having an argument..." Scout and Jem were surprised. "And I hit her, not very hard of course...but she hit me back...very hard!" Atticus looked up. His children were staring at him. This wasn't something they expected. "She hit me right across the nose," he continued. "And I was bleeding, it was unbelievable. Our momma came in, and she thought I was dying or something, and she wanted to call the doctor..." He looked up to Calpurnia, who was listening too. She smiled at him. "I thought I was dying too, I was very much overreacting and it was really awful. So your aunt stopped me from being interested in being in fights." Scout and Jem laughed. "I really can't imagine Aunty hitting you across the face," Scout said. "Well, I don't want to," Atticus said. "One time having it happened to me was more than enough."

Some weeks later, Atticus was sitting in his study, when he heard a noise that sounded like something was breaking, immediately followed by Scout crying: "Atticus!" He quickly stood up and went to the livingroom, where Scout was getting up in the middle of a mess of shattered glass. The glass in a cupboard was broken. She was crying and had several cuts and pieces of glass sticking in her arms and legs. "Oh honey, what happened?" Atticus asked,while he rushed to his daughter. He lifted her, walked to the kitchen and set her on the counter. Calpurnia was coming in as well, having noticed the happening. "O, Scout!" she said. Atticus, in the mean time, was trying to pursuade Scout to loosen the grip on her temple. She had her hand pressed closely to it, and in the mess of blood, Atticus couldn't see where the trouble was. He finally pulled down her hand and saw a large cut in it and a wound on the side of her head. "Good lord, honey, what have you done?" "I...I slipped...and I bumped my head into the cupboard...and I broke the glass...and Atticus...mama's water pitcher is broken as well..." she sobbed. Atticus felt a sting when she said so, but anyway told her they'd see about that later. He pressed his handkerchief to her head and pulled out a piece of glass of her underarm. He got slightly dizzy when he saw all the blood, but tried not to show it. "Cal, do you think we ought to call the doctor?" he asked, pointing at Scout's head. "No, , I think just wrapping it up is enough. I'll go get some stuff in the bathroom." Atticus nodded and planted a kiss on Scout's forehead. "It's alright, darling." Calpurnia came in with alcohol and gauze and told Scout she would first have to clean the cuts. "Just squeeze my hand,"Atticus said. Scout did so and both Atticus and she felt tears when she finally released him. Calpurnia covered the last cut with bandage and patted her knee. "Come on, I'll take you to bed." Atticus said. He carefully took Scout in his arms and carried her to bed. "Goodnight." "Goodnight, sweet."

AN:where did that come from? I actually had an idea about this but I believe it didn't make any sense. Next will be better!


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